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Ashwin Rajadesingan
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Saturday, March 27, 2010
When did bus journeys get this @$#*%!!!!

It was a typically hot and sultry Friday evening and every soul in fiendish Vellore wanted to escape the scorching sun asap. The train station doubled up as a magnet that day, attracting scores of equally desperate people for trains were by far the fastest way to Chennai from there. In keeping up with the norms of being a typical college student, which includes an explicit and resounding NO to anything even remotely resembling planning, I would have to be content with an unreserved ticket if I were to go by train. As with most trains, the unreserved compartment would be packed with workers, vendors and ofcourse fellow college students. No, I don’t mind travelling with them but I do mind travelling with sweaty workers, loud vendors and smelly comrades. Being the smart ass I am, I decided to chance the bus over the train, a decision I would regret soon.

So what can possibly go wrong in a bus? Well for instance they can bug you by showing the classics of Tamil cinema in an archaic box like television set. Classics include a 30-year old Rajinikanth showcasing his prowess at completely annihilating those poor stunt guys who are paid to be whacked. That particular film which I had the misfortune of seeing also had a dog named “ramu” owned by “babu” played to perfection by the superstar... ramu-babu how lame is that??

Thankfully, the television was put out of its misery when a few road bumps were negotiated with atmost disdain by the driver. Ahh finally… I heaved a sigh of relief and almost dozed off. “Almost” is the word to be stressed here, for I had a co-passenger, a big pot-bellied one who I inferred was a deep sleeper, swaying left-right, leaning, hugging and practically suffocating me. If there is anything more annoying than a sweaty co-passenger, it’s a sleepy one!! As I frantically gasped for breadth, I came up with an idea. I suddenly had an urge to revive some of those warm-up exercises I learnt at tennis. So I went, 1-2-3-4 change 1-2-3-4….. through this, I somehow managed to wriggle free from his bear hug and prayed for a miracle to get the sloth off me. And amazingly my wish was granted, trust the driver to do a Schumi-turn and ram into a speedbreaker. But the effect was magical, it awakened my gentle giant from dreamland and from then on, he hung on to the support handle for dear life!!

Ah the worst is not over yet. Far from it. It made me wonder, why aren’t there built-in lavatories in busses as in the trains… someone in the bus managed to somehow soil the seats and I’d rather not get into the details of it.

Finally, the bus tottered towards the terminus and I got down… NEVER, NEVER AGAIN!!

Labels: Humour, Travel

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