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Ashwin Rajadesingan
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Saturday, March 27, 2010
When did bus journeys get this @$#*%!!!!

It was a typically hot and sultry Friday evening and every soul in fiendish Vellore wanted to escape the scorching sun asap. The train station doubled up as a magnet that day, attracting scores of equally desperate people for trains were by far the fastest way to Chennai from there. In keeping up with the norms of being a typical college student, which includes an explicit and resounding NO to anything even remotely resembling planning, I would have to be content with an unreserved ticket if I were to go by train. As with most trains, the unreserved compartment would be packed with workers, vendors and ofcourse fellow college students. No, I don’t mind travelling with them but I do mind travelling with sweaty workers, loud vendors and smelly comrades. Being the smart ass I am, I decided to chance the bus over the train, a decision I would regret soon.

So what can possibly go wrong in a bus? Well for instance they can bug you by showing the classics of Tamil cinema in an archaic box like television set. Classics include a 30-year old Rajinikanth showcasing his prowess at completely annihilating those poor stunt guys who are paid to be whacked. That particular film which I had the misfortune of seeing also had a dog named “ramu” owned by “babu” played to perfection by the superstar... ramu-babu how lame is that??

Thankfully, the television was put out of its misery when a few road bumps were negotiated with atmost disdain by the driver. Ahh finally… I heaved a sigh of relief and almost dozed off. “Almost” is the word to be stressed here, for I had a co-passenger, a big pot-bellied one who I inferred was a deep sleeper, swaying left-right, leaning, hugging and practically suffocating me. If there is anything more annoying than a sweaty co-passenger, it’s a sleepy one!! As I frantically gasped for breadth, I came up with an idea. I suddenly had an urge to revive some of those warm-up exercises I learnt at tennis. So I went, 1-2-3-4 change 1-2-3-4….. through this, I somehow managed to wriggle free from his bear hug and prayed for a miracle to get the sloth off me. And amazingly my wish was granted, trust the driver to do a Schumi-turn and ram into a speedbreaker. But the effect was magical, it awakened my gentle giant from dreamland and from then on, he hung on to the support handle for dear life!!

Ah the worst is not over yet. Far from it. It made me wonder, why aren’t there built-in lavatories in busses as in the trains… someone in the bus managed to somehow soil the seats and I’d rather not get into the details of it.

Finally, the bus tottered towards the terminus and I got down… NEVER, NEVER AGAIN!!

Labels: Humour, Travel

Ashwin Rajadesingan ♥ Saturday, March 27, 2010 link to post
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Tuesday, December 1, 2009
A Cynic's day out

Because of my lackadaisical approach to anything closely related to planning we ended up entering a clothes shop just a couple of hours before our flight. The ever opportunistic salesman sensing my dad’s fidgeting looks figured he could make a quick deal. I suddenly found myself being bombarded with shirts that would make my dad’s old tweed suit look like Armani. The guy said “Cool choice!”. Hey! I don’t need a 50-year old’s take on what looks good on an 18-year old... Thanks but I can choose for myself. Having not found anything remotely mediocre we left the shop empty handed.

“Namaste!” greeted the hot chick in skirt-and-tops as I boarded the flight. Talk about culture intersection. No welcome cookies, no free beverages!! Welcome to the world of no-frills travel. “Only a five-hour ride”, I lulled myself and already, I was getting bored. How long do I stare into that smiley-faced air hostess! Bored and almost driven to insanity by a toddler who thinks he’s on a bird and “Wooosh!!” goes his mom into an animated description of what I assumed to be Tweety, the canary. I totally flipped out.

Only now did I realize that in-flight magazines ( I’d rather call it picture galleries) were there for a reason. Producing an in-flight book must be really easy don’t you think. Throw in some beautiful locales, hot chicks at a disco, a sun signs page and voila!! It’s done! There’s no motivation to improve it either, obviously you are stuck with it and has absolutely no competition unless momma’s brought her knitting kit along.

With hardly any written text save the editor’s page, I settled on reading the forecast for the month and I was not too enthusiastic about it. I dived straight into my sun sign Sagittarius.Hey most of it was pretty cool. They even guessed it right. “You are going to travel this month to far off places. You might be going on a holiday. You will find happiness in what you do. You will meet a lot of people who ….”
Ahah! They might have got away on any other day, but my mind was just itching for an exercise. Here I am reading an in-flight magazine and guess what predicts, travel!! How convenient, Mr. Nostradamus!!

“You might be going on a holiday”? That’s an awesome prediction too especially in the month of Diwali!! I couldn’t resist it. I skimmed through all signs. They had practically the same content. The guys who made this collection of crap clearly understood the self-centered human mind. We don’t care too much about others and we believe that the world is wholly and fully binding to us and us only. Nice attitude.

Its funny, just a little thought on how things work can get you to believe that there’s someone up there, watching all this madness with a sardonic smile….

“Please fasten your seat belts”, I heard the drone of the animated smiley. Thank God I am saved!

Labels: Humour, Sarcasm, Travel

Ashwin Rajadesingan ♥ Tuesday, December 01, 2009 link to post
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